| yea i havent updated in a long time...over a month...id write a hell of a lot, but i was busy writing (since 12:30) this comment in response to one of my friend's xanqas...dragondpt...neway ill post that up, n give u guys a brief rundown of my day:
(in response to dragondpt's june 27th weblog):
omg...lol...damn...out of all the ppl who prop me, out of all the ppl who read my xanqa, out of all the ppl on my sites i read list...omg man, you had to pick d_stroyerdp...omg that just goes to show what kind of humor life has in store for me...lol omg, you picked DAVID PENG, the one man who really has it out for me. other than victor liu, of course, but he duznt prop me/go to my xanqa anymore. he duznt "pretend" to be nice (yea, i can add that to the things I hate list...which aint that large)
neway man im not gonna argue the validity of what u said, im thru arguin (especially w/ ting, n believe me im not so happy about that)
ok, if you don't believe i sleep 1/2 hrs a day in school, or dun sleep at all (the weekend before math fair, march 23rd, 2003) then u can go around asking...who...my mom, my sis, my grandma...all the fuckin teachers my mom has complained to...sebastian...ah who the hell can't u ask? now im not talkin about WHAT i do stayin up that late right now, im just tellin u dat i DO in fact stay up late, till like 4:30 (the latest, other than not sleeping at all) or around 1:30 (kinda the earliest). which is why my mom duznt get any sleep either, n theres a lotta fuckin complaining/grogginess
at church, w/ the black eyes? dude u have no idea what i look like in the morning, n i just go in the bathroom, look in the mirror, n go damn, n rub my eyes. yes, they are fuckin dark, n i wonder y u cant tell. everyone who sees me is always like "damn man, ur eyes are so dark, didja get enuf sleep last nite" or whatever. well there are occassionally one or two people with whom i talk to that don't seem to notice...theres a way to hide it all. it's only dark because the area is depressed and when light falls on it it makes a shadow...so therefore i lift my head high and seem proud and therefore don't show it. listen man, im not BRAGGING about sleeping little (yea, despite what you may think); it's not a good thing...not at all. and even if I am/do seem, then how the hell does that necessarily mean i don't do it? listen man, i WANT to get some sleep, i WANT to get a decent good night's rest. i WANT to fuckin grow 3-4 inches so ting will be content with my height (she likes taller guys). i WANT to not fall asleep in class and miss out on important lectures (or "important"). i don't fuckin wanna be drowsy n druggy eyed n short for the rest of my fuckin time at stuy. true you don't see other people sleeping as late as me; only the gangster ones/the ones who stay up late chatting (which is not saying that i dun chat, or whatever, which may be a contradiction to what i just said because i said not many people are on late at night (which is true)). i'll talk about what i do later. for now, i've established that YES, I DO IN FACT SLEEP VERY LATE AT NIGHT (2:30 or 3:00, and i think you would know this if you go to sleep late, you notice i'm always still online. you cannot say i dun sleep late; you can only question what i do that late at night).
okay, let's move on to what i do this late at night (right now it's writing this damn response to ur entry...it's 12:51 AM right now n i gotta wake up early tomorrow for piano lesson/dentist/whatever). first thing u said is totally true. i spend time ARGUING with TING. now let's analyze that. we'll divide that into 2 parts: i spend time with ting, and I spend time arguing.
i spend time with ting: yes, i do spend quite a bit of time with ting, thats because im very serious about our relationship; and she means the world to me. i always set aside whatever i'm doing just to comfort her (or try to), and elp her in any way possible. true i do not always manage to do that, but if she needs me help, she just has to ask for it (or not), and i'll be right there.
I spend time arguing [with ting]: all my relationship with ting is arguing nowadays. just four hours ago i had a tremendous row with her, like the rest of em. no shit i dont wanna fuckin argue with her (if its not clearly evident), no shit i dont wanna cry/make her cry. our relationhip aint goin well at all (nor has it ever) and i'm always working to fix that. as much as i'd love to wallow and complain and cry for so long, i've learned over and over that it helps/solves nothing, and i don't resort to it as much anymore. all i want...ALL i want..is a good, solid, stable, working relationship with ting. just ask her (or don't; i'd appreciate if you, no offense, stay the fuck away from her) and you'll find out the various arguments we have, and how we both try (maybe tried) to help it, how we both love each other so much but that only does so much. i'm not gonna even TRY to tell you about our relationship and how complicated it is...it really is, as someone once put it, a "TV Drama-type relationship" and if you think that's all BS, then well, i'd say fuck you, but i'm not all that caustic to the person i talk to (which is not to say that others interfering w/ me, i.e. my mom who just told me that she's shutting off the comp, don't get hurt; and i'm sorry i haveta hurt/yell at everyone, i'm just becoming such a fag (male word for bitch) nowadays, and i dunno y. or maybe i do), so think what you want.
wow, that whole part was dedicate to ting (and believe me, i'd dedicate a lot more).
let's move on to the love of YOUR life, man. and you and i both ain't ashamed to admit it.
shishi, and you, honestly, i was the one who really forced u (maybe not forced; but told u/advised u) to first ask her out (last year; when "we" got into contact with her again, due to jen, and church fair, and whatnot). yea, i was initially upset/envious/repentive, cause i liked her and all, and what with her saying she liked me i was misled or something, but now i see (not just b/c i have ting, but also because of how things played out) that u two were really meant to be (don't give up yet; shishi still loves you, dale, and she can have no doubt that you love her as well. true love is hard to find, and as difficult as hell to keep, and maintain. that's what's keeping me and ting goin ;)). anyway, as for flirting with shishi on the phone, i must commend you. you are not so bad a boyfriend as one might think, as you do not [show] your jealousy so often. but here in those 6 words, you can just see how jealous you are of my [former] friendship with shishi/the fact that we talk/were (are?) somewhat "best" friends.
flirting with shishi on the phone...lol, i damn wish it was ting instead of shishi if i was to do that. ive found that most ppl consider me a pimp/flirt nowadays, but whatever.
okay, talk to shishi about what kinds of things we talk about on the phone (if shishi will tell you; i give full consent to not witholding any information regarding our conversations to you, dale, now that everyone hates me and that life is behind me (or to an extent, though still omnipresent)). the things i ask are always "how ya doing?" "how's life?" "whacha doing _____ (some date)" "when are ya gonna visit us/go o church?" "hope to see ya at least once over the summer" "well, have a nice summer, hope to talk to you soon" and everyone one of our conversation ALWAYS has a segment of dale in it, like some allusion to him, or whatnot, e.g. that b-day party which i didnt get to attend "oh, so you're having a b-day party?" "yea" "when is it?" "oh its on the ______ of _____ (no, im not sayin i dunno the dates, im just makin things go faster)" "oh, who's going?" "____, _____, ___, __....., and ___. dunno who else" "is DALE going?" (i'm sorry for the next response man, tho it is true, it's a bit harsh) "umm...yea...i guess he has to" "what do you mean? don't you WANT him to come?" "oh, no, i don't care [about him anymore] (not sure if she said that or not)" "i see.." "well, have fun at the party, i hope i can go" but anyway, i'm not gonna make this already long comment any longer by dwelling upon shishi.
no i am not assigned 2 term projects every night; i am sorry if i gave any implication of this (i may have at one time or another, but i'm sure i do not anymore). i am not assigned two projects every night, but i am assigned two term projects thruout the year, i suppose. and, knowing me, you know that I AM NOT IN THE LEAST BIT A DAMN PROCRASTINATOR. i will start and finish an essay or project long before most people start theirs (especially in stuy, i've found, many of the kids are damn procrastinators). but you see, i gather material, do some initial searching, and stuff, at latest, a week from the assigned date (that is, the date of assignment). i spread out my work semi-evenly, or do it all in one day (whatever works for me). i do not know if my teachers realize this or assume the same of me as everyone else, and therefore some ppl who procrastinate probably get higher grades than me (but maybe they're just plain smart). but i do try hard, and you can see that from my report card, which i'll gladly paste up for you, if you want (not to anger you/gloat/make you jealous or anything). i am greatly honored and made happy by the fact that my grades have so improved from last term (they were not that good, but below stuy average, below all my friends, n stuff, but still okay). this term was really a great boost (avg from 93.1 up to 97.7, and that brings my GPA up to 95.4 or somethin) i am especially pleased w/ the grade i got on the physics regents (96, baby! lol even higher than what shishi said on the bio regents, but i guess its cuz freshmen got more energy, n thats y they do so well on bio (most ppl take it their first year); freshmen did better than juniors on the physics regents) altho most ppl say that the physics regents is much harder (some 90% of NYC students i heard, or some large figure like that, failed the physics regents (including my sister, unfortunately :(, i was verily upset by that; she received a 56...but she can still graduate). and like i heard around 80% of NYC students failed the Math A (which, again, not gloating, i received a 99 on, and i am very happy because i considered it very difficult and did not know if i did that well on it; and since i had physics regents immediately before it (due to a conflict we took the two consecutvely), i only spent around an hour and a half on it, while i spent nearly 3 hrs on the physics. neway, my grades:
Report Card for TSAI ANDREW
Official: 1LL
ID: 9197
Subjects 1st Mkg Pd-2nd Mkg Pd-Final Mkg Pd-
Code Section-Title-Grade-Absents-Grade-[final]Exam
A1 13 ART E - 97 - 95 1 87
EH2 04 ENG HUM S - 98 - 98 -
FF4 05 FRENCH 4 E - 99 - 98 - 98
H2HG 03 HIST HUM S - 91 - 94 - 90
MQ4 19 SEQ MATH 4 E - 96 - 100 - 99
MXRA 19 MATH A REG - - - 99
P$FB 01 FR SWIM B S - 90 - 100 -
SP02 06 REGPHY2LAB S - E - E -
SP2 06 PHYSICS 2 E - 95 - 100 -
SXR$ 06 PHSETPHYSR - - - 96
UWTA 01 WDWIND ADV E - 95 - 95 -
(if you can read that)
anyway, i'm having a good time writing this entry, actually, despite the fact that it's 1:16 AM in the morning.
15 pg homework's im not even gonna touch upon. just look at this fact: most ppl do their homeworks in one or two hours, in one page, while i do it in three or four hours, in three or four pages. and also i leave you with a quote from Winston Churchill (which my "uncle" Ron Howard(s?) dictated to me:
"I am sorry this letter is so long; I did not have the time to write a short one"
btw, no shit i type up and print the long homeworks i have (i.e. global, tho its sometimes math, which i write by hand, cuz u cant really type up math/teachers dun accept it)
i dunno who ur "friends" are, but see above.
if you haven't noticed already, i'm very different (i do things very different) from other [Stuyvesant] students.
yes u do so many extra-curricular, helpful activities: piano practice, babysitting, swimming, working out, and you know what? despite what you may believe, i actually PRAISE you and RESPECT you for that. yes i wanna be like you in that i have a volunteer job everyday after school that you can put on ur SSR sheet for college and is nice because you get to help little kids (similar to what ting/kari do, actually, and i envy that also because i would like to have the TIME to do that; but during the hours u do that, are the hours in which i take my [long?] commute home). swimming (that is, participating in a sports team) i would like to do, tho its gonna sap/zap my grades (especially if the team is in the school) like mad, so i dunno about that. i tried out for jv baseball team last year, and plan to try out again next year (assuming i get some practice over the summer). and working w/ kids, well, im not that good with kids, but i see that you are VERY responsible n VERY good w/ kids, n i admire that. i admire that quite a lot.
i can see where you're coming frmo with the complain, complain, complain. some others may say the same thing. well listen to what i mostly complain about...is it life? yes, it was. is it school? yes, it WAS. is it family problems? yes it is. and is it ting? yes it is. but now i dun JUST complain, i get off my lazy ass and do SOMETHING to help it. you don't see me online often, much, now do ya? that's because half the time...no wait, ALL the time i'm tryin to fix a problem between some person, or tryin to fix my relationship with ting, or do something PRODUCTIVE, that will benefit myself, or whatever.
damn bugs flyin around me so much..it's now 1:26 AM, and i haven't taken a shower yet (and i haveta wake up 7:00 tomorro...damn, reminds me of school days)
oh i don't accept help b/c it wud just be a waste of ppl's time and effort. on the other hand, i want and need help, and would be grateful at any that is provided. and accept it, too. just that u ppl from 67 cant help me much/can't relate; you guys dun see me often (except maybe you, dale, but even you don't see how much ive changed, or in my "natural" environment, that of stuy life/home life. you only see me in church, where i can be just as jovial/carefree as the next guy. church fills you with a spirit that just lifts you up; that's why i get into the holy spirit and sing loudly, dance wildly, and am an active participant in the church matters (e.g. i led the youth games last friday). i dunno if you can relate, i havent seen the spirit fill you up too, and if you think what i'm sayin is BS, i dunno. it looks like u arent really a christian, more like a buddhist. but if you wanna still attend church, i would understand. temples are good too (i meditate/chant "Ah mee Toh Fuo" (holy syllable, chanting of Buddhist monks, if u can read that (my crappy translating).
i talk to ppl (melissa, ting), and i fuckin listen....to THEM explode, THEM vent out their anger and i help them. not to say i do not vent myself (ting), or ask for help (melissa). i am quite tired now, and wanna finish this up fast.
i'm sorry if your friendship with me is so hard on you, time-consuming, and painful. seems like that's what i am to a lot of ppl. a lotta wasted time, a lotta hardship, n a lotta pain. but, well, for those of you who choose to put up with me (ting, melissa, anyone else) thanks a lot. for those of you who can't stand me [anymore], then thanks, you've have a good time, a nice ride but now it's time to go our separate ways.
if 90% of what i'm sayin is BS, then i'm sure all the words besides "ifs, ands, or buts" and the "the's" and whatever, are BS, arent they? or the whole of my comment, except maybe this portion. if you consider it bs, then by the time you finish, or u dont even need to finish; just discard this message like you would any other junk mail. cuz if it means nothin to u, why bother lettin it touch u at all?
yes i dont see you complaining; i dont see you arguing, i dont see you showing ANY EMOTION AT ALL (which may or may not be a good thing). so how am i supposed to kno how u feel? sure u stay up till 1 o clock for a while, but try doin that for a whole frickin school year. plus add the pressure of friends/a relationship w/ a girl like ting (and a guy like me), and problems with family (not as easy as it seems), and you'll see there's a certain "breaking/snapping point" i was fine in the beginning, i'll be devastated in the end.
i dun say dozo ppl get easer work than stuy ppl/less work/do worse, despite what other ppl (e.g. my sister) says. if i see my sister's report card, with 99's in math, im like "damn, i only got an 85 in math last term, my sis must be damn smart" n i ignore her comments of what like "oh cuz its regular math, its cardozo; if you were in cardozo you'd be getting 100's too". i treat all ppl as equals, and, all things being equal, you're just as smart (or smarter) than i am.
i think i've answered all that pertains to me (though maybe not, i see a lot of allusions)
anyway, on top of all that, i can still say, have a nice summer man. do somethin productive, n have a lotta fun. for u guys (esp. stuy kids), ya needa have the most fun between successive years in high school, or you'll be dead beat. i burned myself out this year...i really gotta....make up for it in the summer. i'm just sad i cant spend it w/ ppl like ting. props n peace man.
--------------------------------------------------
long, aint it?
neway, a brief rundown of my day:
woke up early, got up late.
went w/ meli+kari+caroline to queens botanical garden; dad drove us.
found that dad is leaving for taiwan+not coming back b/c he duz not wanna waste money staying in USA w/o a job/hopes of gettin one.wants to leave various items w/ mom+rest of family, plans to call her soon. selling apartment.
reach queens botanical, go past to Carvel ice cream shop run by friend of mom/dad.
go into ice cream store, dad give me $50 then leave, because has appointment w/ ppl who are lookin to buy his apartment (he sell for money to pay off debt/plane ticket back to taiwan).
spend $7-8 on ice cream for caroline/kari/meli (caroline+kari got ice cream right away, took some convincing for meli; also, didnt get any for myself). talked to guy who ran shop (recognize me, say i grow lot, i dont recognize him).
leave, go to queens botanical. find way to parking lot after oggling various park maps. see signs that ban everything: dogs, sports, food, drinks, cell phones, roller blading, tanning oneself, bunch of stuff.
meet up w/ other members of Amhab (me+caroline not members), wait 1.5 (or maybe longer?) hrs for other ppl to show.
no one shows, we go to a field full of tree+lie down on blanket (it was a picnic) to eat.
2 juniors in club come, tell us other cabinet member (other co-pres) forgot/didnt kno it was today, also, no recruits of incoming freshmen come.
we groan, eat junk food.
hang out for about an hour, find too many bugs (whole swarm gathering above us). bugs crawl over me, freak caroline/kari out. meli like "wuhh??" n leave.
we just miss Q44 bus, except it was limited so cannot wait for next one (like an hour later), so walk back to flushing.
show kari the way home, go to bubbles to buy "nai cha", iced milk tapioca tea.
chat w/ caroline/meli till 3:45 (its around 3:00 when we come in?)
----------caroline leaves and goes off, me n mel left alone (now it gets interesting/significant, moreso than the others, at east to me)-------------
me+mel go to A1, look at the name bracelets.
i (we) decide to get one: me, one w/ Andrew + Ting, meli w/ Melissa + Sergio.
after much debate and hassle, we decide on mine (took over half an hour). i is: Andrew (on one string, alternating between light green and light pink in color, very cute, w/ a butterfly attached at the end, a pink one?), <3Ting<3 (two hearts w/ ting in the middle, alternating btwn light pink+light green, w/ a green butterfly attached at the end), on a string right next to it (and attached to it).
pay $6 for thing, meli say "awww how sweet/cute"
i say "oh it's just something so ting will remember/think of me during the summer in china...:( she probably cant even wear it/bring it...::sigh:: neway, im gonna get her some other stuff later"
choose meli's, turns out to be Sergio (on one string, with the same design as mine) <3Melli (Melly? i forget...short term memory (from ting). sorry mel!). very cute, alternating purple and blue (very very nice).
meli pay $4, i pay part ($2).
i drag meli/ask her to come along w/ me to busy mall (jewelry mall) to buy ring for ting (always wanted to, but ting never got to go w/ me, so i dunno her finger size, but we found an alternative to that later, as you will see ;))
after relatively short hassle (in comparison w/ the A1 thing), choose a ring. problem: do not know ting's finger size. solution: put ring on a chain--18 inch sterling silver chain....meli's reaction "Omg, hellooo beautiful! that is so gorgeous ::gushes:: i wish my boyfriend would get me something like that without me telling him to"
engrave on the ring: Andrew <3 Ting. pay for it ($24), prepare to leave.
leave, walk to hong kong mall (to look for a cell phone holster for meli, after lookn thru busy bee mall/busy mall).
meli asks to look at necklace+ring (i hadnt looked at it before, thank goodness she asked). find out woman screwed up in engraving heart. [i] become sad. want to go back/exchange it.
go back w/ meli to either: try to have them fix it, or exchange the ring (meli offer to pay half/i say no/its okay (she won't let me pay for her!)). neway make up some excuse, dat i want to add "forever (actually, it's engraved 4Eva) + ask if can fix heart.
fix heart, engrave "4 Eva", i look for matching ring.
find ring w/ ring size (8, lol, tho it fits snugly on my index finger its a bit loose on my ring finger, which is the finger i wanted to wear it on. but better than nothing).
engrave the ring w/ the same thing.
pay for ring ($10).
part from meli, go home.
call ting, find out what she's been doin all day, found out she called me (but i receive no missed calls/only 1 voice message (she said she called like 6 times)).
start to argue with her, walk outta house b/c ppl talk to me at the wrong time in the wrong mood.
count star jar that ting gave me( :'( )
go online, write comment on dale's xanqa.
get yelled at by mom.
update xanqa.
make entry short b/c of yelling of mom.
finish entry.
love ting (always).
i love you ting, always. sad because our relationship aint workin out, but im always here, n im always tryin. not gonna complain so much nemore, gonna work hard only. gotta end entry now, buh bye. |
